I Would Rather feel Sad than Fake

yesterday, Heather Macauley Noell ‘s The giving game taught me something important. its harder to cover up sadness than to feel it. all the while I was covering up the sad pastlife memories of Taiji, trying so hard to. I thought that just ignoring the saddness out would make it go away. especially when I’d look into My best friend Jessi’s eyes, they would reflect the pain. (lol, you can’t help it with a twin soul jajaj) even on my birthday when I was having a good time I would feel the tension come up. Jessi’s presence begged me to listen to the pain. I was confused and so I went to the giving game files!! Once I opened up to the sadness and let myself feel it without going ” oh crap her I am again, living in the past,”, I felt my heart open and everything seemed clearer. I let myself cry, and hear the screams again and feel vunerable…… so, so vunerable. I opened the wound again, and I felt it healing, accepting that I still feel sad. we mostly think saddness is a bad thing, but Heather made me see it isn’t. its ok that I still feel sad about what happened to me in Taiji. But I also feel happy that I made that painting about it and turned it into something good, doinating to Ric O’Barry’s Dolphin Project and the Orca Network. cheering many people up and insipiring others. I just have to keep trying, like a baby trying to walk, each time you fall itsn’t the same time, every time you fall, you get up stronger. I learned that vunerability is strength smile emoticon Happiness and sadness go together…how d you know you are happy if you never felt sad? even a good story has sad moments… that’s what makes it good smile emoticon.i feel more open to love now without being so afraid. Thank you Heather!!!! I reccommend this program to anyone dealing with any hard time!!

Also I asked my Mentor Jeannine to write a blog about raisin awareness for Taiji and other places. please take a read. I love how she ended it, on a positive message 🙂



Exercise gets the kundalini flowing :P

So I’ve been fighting a good long fight to be myself, and not care what anyone else thinks. The past few days I have had a huge anxiety build up, not knowing where it came from, I stopped and quieted my mind for an awnser. I came to the conclusion that I was trying too hard, being too hard on myself. I got a card from an online angel card site that was exactly what I needed to be reminded of again. Self talk. I’ts easy to forget you are your best friend, even when really, you are your best friend. So I talked to myself, using my best friends name 😀 it always works to get me back to be soft and forgiving again.

I just came back from a short run with my brother, I noticed the energy just flows when I run and I feel myself!! free!! I have noticed this many times, but I never end up running so much. I figured if I write I’ll remember, and be willing to do it more often, even just a short run helps, in fact, those are h best. Also the stretch exercises that My physical therapist recommended me are helping as well. my knew grew crooked from all that time sleeping in the recliner cause of my reflux :O

I also Just finished my painting that is being donated to the light up the night for Lolita event  in 2 weeks. So  much stuff happening! and im dropping it off to the event planner in another event that I wanted to go to but didn’t ant to bother my mom about, being in the middle of the week and such. yay i really wanted to go. that proves if  its mean to be, it will be,that is if you choose. xP I could’ve still chose to send it by mail. but… 😀

January is so awesome 😀