I raged quietly inside of me. But why must I be this quiet?

I raged quietly inside of me. Why must I be this quiet?

The past few weeks was a roller coaster of emotions, from feeling sad then trying to be happy only to find that I was just hiding my sadness, to continue crying, just accepting that I was feeling sad, and that it was Ok  because c’mon, I went through a lot. I wasn’t victimizing myself, though at times I did, I was just trying to not be so hard on myself, letting myself fall, and become a vulnerable, saltwater mess. I felt  downright miserable. to be without all my dolphin family here, without my life as it was, the sea, I eventually tried to think positive i let myself cry and be the victim to get the rage out, it worked. I was feeling much better after that phase. April was a big month for me, after that lunar eclipse, every thing just raged. I started to become more aware, of myself, my true feelings, it became harder and harder to hide who I was and how I was feeling. It hurt physically in my gut if I tried to lie to myself about my feelings. I looked at the moon one night basking in its light from the window, letting its light shine through my eyes and illuminate my soul. Somehow someday, I was going to feel free. feel this heaviness away from my lungs, the feeling of joy, true healing. I always had hope. I was realizing exactly why I’m here.

I went back in reminiscing the many past life memories i have of always being  run after killed for what I believe in or just being treated cruelly. both dolphin and human. Apparently I was trying to learn this lesson of standing up for myself as a dolphin, and then as a human, not that the methods weren’t working for me, but each step was important for growing, and I chose that in a way to get to know the humans more. and that I call the ice cream theory xD that moment where you have a favorite flavor but you want to try something else xP They say dolphins are the bridgers for the humans into the natural world. if you want to be a bridger you have to know both sides 🙂 maybe we knew this whole cruelty lesson would happen a  long time before it did.

oh loook :Pi just got this random guide message :):  ”The dolphins have soul agreements with the humans, so that they can teach them what they need to know in their bodies, in their kind, you’re a bridger yourself . In any case these agreements have been made a long time before we knew the humans would be on the planet. although not everything is necessarily written in stone, some things happen as planned.”

so I guess  I decided to blend both dolphin and human in a way, being slaughtered as a dolphin and then coming as a human to stand up for myself and my kind. Makes sense to me. Hopefully, I’ll get it this time. i think I am, I’m writing about it here in the internet right?  😛

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