As one door closes, another opens – New Year’s 2015-2016

This year, I don’t wish any one happiness. Not because they aren’t worthy, but wishing happiness over all other emotions makes it seem like that is the only one that is important or ‘good’. The truth is , life is more than happiness. it is sadness, anger, pain. all these different emotions is what makes us feel alive. we wouldnt know happiness without pain.  So instead, I wish everyone WISDOM and understanding to go through, accept, and learn whatever the new year brings. I know I wouldn’t be as wise as I am today without the full spectrum of emotions I have felt over the past years. May next year bring more wisdom than the last, as it always does ❤



The Night of Dec. 4 2011 – The Day That Changed My Life



so funny to think…. before this day 4 years ago…. my life was actually tattered and torn but i was moving along, functioning enough to go to school, you know, doing aura readings, readingon spirituality thinking how i felt about life is all i could ever feel … until this day, on the night of Dec 4, my life would be changed forever by none other than Jessica Mella, my twin flame, i thought i was soo awesome with all that i was doing with reading auras and knowing about spirituality, but then she came and told me basically, you aint seen nothing yet.


i almost could say it was the holiday, you know that warm fuzzy feelingyou. get at this time gathering with ppl you love… but it was more than i ever experienced.


i began to see the world through brighter eyes, literally brighter, my mom noticed and still does how i get ariund my best friend jessica. not just cause shes by best friend, but my twin flame.


i couldnt see the world the same way after the night of december 4, the moment i saw her coming through one of the terminals (i think thats what theyre called, not sure ) at the airport, something began to change. i grew so clumsy i even hit jessis little cousin by accident in the whole greeting craziness, and thruought the whole time with her it was comment after comment of how alike we were, we even eventually dubbed ourselves, “personality doubles” (throught the whole time i thought God made some sort of mistake in creation, or some wird glitch at least , knowing God was perfect i couldnt dare say mistake) her cousin even thought it was her coming when i came, although i still could not see how that happened given our difference in body and hieght, but i guess it was the dark hair.


the whole experience going to her house felt like i had just woken up from a dream and everything was more vivid that it used to be, feelings, connections with people, it felt infinity times more beautiful and fullfilling. inside me something welled up and said


i am complete.


why have i not seen this way before.

all my life before this. day was a blur , although paked with many goodtimes , still not as fullfilling.


what happened Jessica? who are you and what are you doing to me?


although i didnt know for sure jessi was causing all this, but every comment on our similarity seemed to tug at my heart as if it was some sort of sign, but i was so in the moment it was hard to procees everything as it was happening.


all i knew was


God were so alike

why are we so alike

idk this is bugging me


BUT science says–



BY GOD ( even by apparant differences) I FEEL WE ARE THE SAME


it got even more intense as she left me home after dinner, after a few REALLY clumsy attempts to kiss goodbye, i stumbled all flushed up to my house, where i looked in the mirror , astonished.


why do I see GOD??


my eyes lit up like the universe, something war there, everything i was was there, clearly for me to see…. i even looked deeply into my eyes where it seemed i could see galaxy after galaxy , nebula after nebula, especially a blue white sort of shiny cross like star.


i could not stop crying out of the beauty i was seeing in my eyes, my whole aura, lit up like i was a piece of God.


i never thought of myself this way.


me God? well God is everything so (makes sense i concluded much, much later)


i felt an overwhelming peace and energy more beautiful than any pleasure, food, money, power, sex, ego, any thing.


DIVINITY, …. PURENESS… i was in such a pure state that i was just asking myself what the freak can i just die now? cause i feel dead, but ironically MORE ALIVE THAN I EVER BEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.  I never knew this level of love could be possibly felt in my lifetime.


as i tried to compose myself as called me to bed (because i didnt feel like explaining something didnt even know exactly about) and it did not leave me there. in my bed, in the stillness, i felt my body vibrate, literally vibrate, a tingly warm pleaseant sensation accompanies with cooldness. like i just bathed in icyhot cream. a warm energy was going up and down my spine like a warm massage chair thingy, i imagined like a golden snake looking going up and down my spine . (i later found visions of snakes especially gold ones mean healing) and it was all relaxing at the sametime so emotionally charged that my stomach kept tensing.

i was so afraid.

whats going on?

so many songs played in my head in loops like signs,

brighter than the sun, with visions of pink hearts, bursting xplosions, guns ingiting explosions of hearts lol!!

and most ironically

firework by katy perry ,  as my aura really was going


BOOM BOOM BOOM EVEN BRIGHTER THAN THE MOON MOON MOON (And apparantly the sun according to the other song xp)


i had visions of over lapping circles and a voice in my head, which at times sounded like jessis and mines (well our voices are alike xp) saying forever, with an infinity sign.

am i having…. a spiritual awakening? i heard of them before, but never knew how it would feel like.


it was beautiful.


a bombardment of signs and feelings and the more i kept asking whats going on? the more i thought of jessica.


i woke up with something similar to a hangover, or probably other things at night that leave you kinda tired buts satisfied, (lol) something that no experience on earth can explain.


i met her later the next day on the fith, and i just wanted to cry on her shoulder all the sorrow i had with me.


but i didnt, cause i thought shed think im crazy, that she would get it.


cause idk , i felt crazy, it was too amazing, too beautiful…..


and twin, if youre reading this, i wish so hard that i couldve told you, because i have yet to this day to cry on your shiulder like that, which i always felt like doing that since that day i decided not to for stupid reasons…. but i forgive myself, i hope, because now i tell you everything ❤ it was just so beautiful that i wish i couldve told you then….

maybe you couldve felt it…


but all in all i am thankful forth e whole experience because i am more at peace than i would be without her, peace,  love, satisfaction, wholeness…. its what everyone wants and everyone is looking for.


this is beautiful, and i hope one day my twin feels this too, because as much as i thank you forth is i feel ots your turn now to feel what i felt, because you may bot think its what you are lookingfor. , but it is. everyone is. and itss o funny to think that its so closet o yiu because its inside of you!!! you aremy mirror JUST as I AM YOURS.  it is nothing and earthly thing can fullfill, nothing you can find anywhere else, but the very thing everyone wants to find….




and maybe you arent looking intentionally, as i see you are not… but its okay because i know it hard for you to remember. its how we planned it. and many times i still think i might sound crazy, repetitivive , pushy, and just plain STUPID, fussing over something you just dont seem to be worried about. i feel guilty for letting myself pass on the opportunity i held before of telling you how i felt, and i am not lettingthis. opportunity pass now.


I Love you.


and no words can single handedly describe our friendship other than just pure connection and love, its all there is, and all there ever was, between us , from the very start, even if we didnt fully know it.


just know that its the biggest blessing to find your walking mirror, one that no bathroom has lol :p


My twin and I at the mall later that same month. 🙂