Puberty + DOLPHIN – Middle School Blues – (RAW,unedited, untouched…at least most of it)

You thought Puberty was bad?  How about puberty + DOLPHIN –  not that there aren’t worse things, but middle school for me… was pretty difficult.

Aside from having a dysfunctional childhood, and being surrounded by awkward teenagers  I was also going through finding out, or actually  just being consiously aware of, that i was a dolphin in a human body.

I never really thought about it too much before, just this whole being called human thing was awkward and made me cringe. not that it was bad, just… cause it wasn’t me. yet some how I could word all those feelings until the end of 6th grade, in the summer.

I found this dolphin children article on the internet , and it spoke to me, I was so shattered (in a good way)  and surprised everything heated up in me. i knew it was true. with this newfound awareness, i rode the rollercoaster of middle school.

Apart from pubery, which, i dont know how badly that took a toll on me because i didnt have any boyfriends nor wanted any — i just wanted the sea.

while everyone was out there craving relationships and saying ‘oh hes cute’ and ‘hes ugly oh eww no’ i would always try to find the beauty in everything and of course, still craving the sea.

I told some friends about this — Biig mistake– or not, depending on how you look at it. some were all silently listening and looking like they agree or support you and behind your back they said ” pst this girls craazzyy, dont talk to her, she thinks shes a dolphin.”

“You think you’re a dolphin.”

that got to me soooooo much.

amoung those that teased, was one of my former best friends. ( oh those former best friends… they leave you, but they take all your secrets with you )

” ugh look at you, ugh, talking or reading about dolphins again, ugh,  …”

“what?” i asked.

” its so annoying…”

my stomach churned and burned at the sight and sound of her saying that… not only was that coming from someone I had trusted, but how she said it as if it was digusting and something so horrid to be ashamed of. mind you i alrady was embarrased of showing my love for dolphins in public because people all throught elementary kept asking, “why do you like dolphins so much??” with their little weird scrunched up faces. I evetually unconsiously assumed there was something wrong with liking dolphins  so much and that I should hide it. plus, it was kinda annoying some one asking the same question again and again, without a particular awnser, and it was weird how i burned up and felt uncomfortable when I didnt know an awnser so… it made me nervous.

anny way, my former bff was  was angry at me for not attending her party. it was an honest mistake, but she kept a grudge. I know that she was just using that against me to get back at me, but still, it got to me, but i didnt let it show, for i didnt want her satisfaction.

but all that did teach me something not only did they teach me how to stand up for myself, but they taught me how to keep my opinion and belief even if theirs is different. I learned that their opinion isn’t necesarily the truth — so why should I be walking around with my head down feeling like it is?

they taught me a great deal, where ther it was the bullies or the skeptics, or the people that were just freaked out, or the people who stood by me all these years, they helped me see that there ARE people you can trust, and sometimes, you just gotta go through the ‘bad’ ones to find the good ones.

ahhh , that was a good vent 😀

 

 

 

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